You could put on monkeys jumping up and down and get bigger numbers than MSNBC.
I have a pet lizard named Puff, five goldfish - named Pinky, Brain, Jowels, Pearl and Sandy, an oscar fish named Chef, two pacus, an albino African frog named Whitey, a bonsai tree, four Venus flytraps, a fruit fly farm and sea monkeys.
My first taste of theater was my middle school play. We did 'The Jungle Book.' I auditioned for Mowgli, which I didn't get. I ended up playing a part as one of the monkeys.
I have mentally overcome situations most of you would be terrified to ever attempt: heights, fire, needles, spiders, snakes, angry monkeys, being shot, being hit by a car, going blind - you name it, I have been in a situation where I have had to mentally overcome my inherent fears to do my job.
With the exception of the New York Times, Fox news, and Lou Dobbs of CNN, and talk radio, the rest of the mainstream media has basically been silenced like a bunch of dumb monkeys.
If you ask me who the members of the Rolling Stones or Led Zep or the Clash were, I'd be able to tell you every member. But I couldn't name a single member of Arctic Monkeys.
It's been known since 1916 that cutting back calories is beneficial in every organism it's been tested on - from yeast to worms to mice to monkeys. I think it would be a surprise if we are an exception to that rule.
What I am interested in with birds, just as I am with spiders or monkeys, is what they do and why they do it.
A few months ago, I had the pleasure of actually visiting the Playboy Mansion. I saw the peacocks, fed grapes to the monkeys, and even braved the fabled Grotto. After seeing the estate, I understood why anyone would be reluctant to leave.
I grew a love for helpless, defenseless things. People would give me lions and jaguars. I had cheetahs, monkeys.
