Bill Janklow
Bill Janklow

What's taken God 200 years to create was wiped out in a couple of days by what was apparently an arsonist, And it just shows you what a sick world we live in nowadays.

Janet Varney
Janet Varney

I always had a pretty serious fascination with fire. Luckily I'm not an arsonist!

Jimmy Breslin
Jimmy Breslin

The professional arsonist builds vacant lots for money.

Josh Fox
Josh Fox

According to the oil and gas industry and their proponents, I am a communist, terrorist, Nazi, Russian-sympathizing, anti-American, arsonist, extremist.

S.E. Cupp
S.E. Cupp

After helping the Republican National Committee address some of the troubling deficiencies the party faced after 2012, as outlined in its so-called autopsy report, and witnessing some real progress in our outreach to women in the ensuing years, I did not expect an egomaniacal arsonist to come along and set all that ablaze.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Ron Burgundy: [doing voice exercises] The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet.

A Series of Unfortunate Events
A Series of Unfortunate Events

Count Olaf: [as Mr. Poe and those attending the play get out of their seats and converge on him] Now, now! Let's keep our heads here! If you do anything to me, you'll just sink to my level. Not to mention setting a terrible example for the children.
[Count Olaf gasps as he is then handcuffed by the Detective]
Judge: Guilty!
Lemony

Snicket: [narrating as the scene cuts back to Count Olaf as the crowd closes in on him] I am thrilled to say that Count Olaf was captured for crimes too numerous to mention and before serving his life sentence, it was the judge's decree that Olaf be made to suffer every hardship that he forced upon the children.
Count Olaf: [upon throwing the anchor on the broken

part of the house] Yes.
[the broken part of the house falls into the lake. Then cuts to Count Olaf in a boat trying to fend off the Lachrymose Leeches]
Count Olaf: Get out.
[Some Lachrymose Leeches get onto him]
Count Olaf: Oh no!
[Cuts to a train coming towards Count Olaf who is trapped in the car on the grading as he screams]


Lemony Snicket: [narrating as Klaus and Sunny look towards Violet on the stage] The Baudelaires have triumphed. A word hear means unmasking a cruel and talentless arsonist and solving the mystery of the Baudelaire Fire.
[cuts to the Baudelaires leaving Count Olaf's house]
Lemony Snicket: If only justice were as kind. Count Olaf vanished after

a jury of his peers overturned his sentence. As for the Baudelaires, what laid ahead of them was unclear. But one thing they knew as they climbed once again into the back of Mr. Poe's car, they were moving on.