The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Bobby Boucher: My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Mama Boucher: You gonna lose all your fancy "fools' balls" games! And your gonna fail your big exam! Because school is...
Bobby Boucher: The devil?
[Mama gasps]
Bobby Boucher: Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good!

Bobby Boucher: [Bobby runs out, slamming the door, then comes back in] And by the way, Mama. "Alligators" are ornery 'cause of their "Medula Oblongata"!
Bobby Boucher: [Bobby runs back out, then back in again] And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!
[slams door on Mama]

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.
Bobby Boucher: No, you people are drinkin the wrong water.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein:

[singing] Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

[after Bobby demonstrates his tackling ability]
Coach Klein: Bobby, can you do that for me every game?
Bobby Boucher: Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Mama Boucher: Bobby, deh ever catch dat gorilla that busted outa da zoo and punched you in da eye?
Bobby Boucher: No Mama, the search continues.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Lawrence Taylor: Gentlemen, which brings me to my next point. Don't smoke crack.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Bobby Boucher: So that's what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like.
Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Dan Fouts: The waterboy just needed some water!
Brent Musburger: Wow Dan, did you come up with that all by yourself?
Dan Fouts: Shut up, Brent.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Bobby Boucher: Now that's what I call high quality H2O.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Bobby Boucher: [after reading a question about Benjamin Franklin] Ben Franklin.
Young Bobby Boucher: [flashback to Bobby's childhood] Mama, when did Ben Franklin invent electricity?
Mama Boucher: That's nonsense, I invented electricity. Ben Franklin is the Devil!

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Paco: I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord chose not to bless me with... with charm, athletic ability... or a fully functional brain. You see, you're an inspriation, to all of us who... who weren't born handsome, and charming and cool, and and...
[breaks out in tears]

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Townie: You can do it... you can do it all night loong!

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

[upon hearing that Bobby Boucher has been benched]
Townie: Oh no! We suck again!

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Bobby Boucher: Look who's on TV, Mama... it's the devil.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Rita: Is there a girl you're seein'?
Bobby Boucher: Seein'? Uh, I see a lot of girls... I see a lot of guys too.
Rita: I think that's sexy, you ever been with a guy and girl at the same time?
Bobby Boucher: Oh yea, plenty of times. The other night, I was with my Mama and Coach Klein at the same time.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Coach Klein: [it's half-time at the Bourbon Bowl and they're in the locker room] Anybody got an idea?
[Silence]
Derek Wallace: Hey, remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake?
[Everybody chuckles]
Lyle Robideaux: Yeah, that was pretty funny. How 'bout the time Bobby tackled the guy from Louisville, and threw

him into the stands?
[Everybody laughs]
Guy Grenouille: Y'all remember the time he intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran for the touchdown bare ass?
[Everybody laughs]
Farmer Fran: Remember the time Bobby Boucher...
[Begins to mumble in his southern drawl, and everybody stares at him]
Bobby

Boucher: [Bobby shows up in the locker room by surprise] Remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl, do ya?
[Everybody starts cheering and shouting]

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

[after watching Bobby tackle a player]
Paco: Look at Bobby tackle. I haven't seen a tackle like that since Joe Montana.
Walter: Joe Montana was a quarterback, you idiot.
Paco: I said Joe Mantegna.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Mama Boucher: No son of mine is gonna play any foos-ball.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Casey Bugge: He poked me in the eye!
Bobby Boucher: Captain Insano shows no mercy.

The Waterboy
The Waterboy

Professor: Now, is there anyone here that can tell me why... most alligators are abnormally aggressive? Anybody? Anyone? Yes, sir. You, sir.
Bobby Boucher: Mama says that alligators are ornery... 'cause they got all them teeth but no toothbrush.
Professor: [Chuckling] Yo mama said, alligators are ornery 'cause they got all them

teeth... and no toothbrush. Wow! Anybody else? Yes, sir. You, sir.
Student: Alligators are aggressive because of an enlarged medulla oblongata. It's the sector of the brain which controls aggressive behavior.
Professor: That is correct! The medulla oblongata...
Bobby Boucher: But Mama said...
Professor:

The medulla oblongata... is where anger, jealousy and aggression come from. Now, is there anybody here can tell me where happiness comes from? Anyone? All right, let's hear what Mama has to say on the subject.
Bobby Boucher: Mama say that happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you feelin' blue.
Professor: [Chuckling] Well,

folks, Mama's wrong again.
Bobby Boucher: No, Colonel Sanders, you're wrong. Mama's right. You're all wrong. Mama's right. Mama's right!
Professor: Somethin' wrong with his medulla oblongata.