Steve Zissou: Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern.
Alistair Hennessey: Is this my espresso machine? Wh-what is-h-how did you get my espresso machine?
Bill Ubell: Well... uh... we fuckin' stole it, man.
[a woman asks a question about the shark Zissou is hunting]
Festival Director: [translating] That's an endangered species at most. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?
Steve Zissou: Revenge.
Steve Zissou: Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins.
Steve Zissou: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.
[last lines]
Steve Zissou: This is an adventure.
Steve Zissou: Oh, shit! Swamp leeches. Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off... Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?
Steve Zissou: We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.
Klaus Daimler: [pouting] Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.
Steve Zissou: Supposedly Cousteau and his cronies invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies into the helmet. But we made ours with a special rabbit ear on the top so we could pipe in some music.
Ned Plimpton: Stevesy, what's going on? Are those hijackers?
Steve Zissou: Well, out here we call them "pirates," Ned.
[on Eleanor]
Alistair Hennessey: We've never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm part gay.
Steve Zissou: I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet. Possibly with dynamite.
Ned Plimpton: I've never seen so many electric jellyfish in all my life!
Steve Zissou: Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the water. No, wait. They might have another set. Just blow it up.
Ned Plimpton: Why didn't you ever try to contact me?
Steve Zissou: Because I hate fathers, and I never wanted to be one.
Steve Zissou: Please don't make fun of me. I just wanted to flirt with you.
[Hennessey is playing poker with Filipinos who have kidnapped him and Zissou bursts into the room accidentally]
Alistair Hennessey: Steven, are you rescuing me?
[pause]
Alistair Hennessey: Fold.
[a pirate quickly shoots Hennessey in the chest, knocking him backwards in his chair and down to the floor - large gunfight begins]
