Marty: Okay, I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand, here. Do not read the Latin.
Dana: I'm so sorry I almost shot you... I probably wouldn't have.
Marty: Hey. Hey, no, shh, no. I totally get it.
[pauses to light a reefer]
Marty: I'm sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.
Marty: Statistical fact. Cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he sees further than they... and he will bind them... with ancient logics.
Dana: Me? Virgin?
The Director: We work with what we have.
Marty: Yeah, I, uh, I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been up to?
Mordecai: Don't take this lightly, boy. It wasn't all by your numbers. The Fool nearly derailed the invocation with his insolence. The Ancient Ones see everything. And they will not be... I'm still on speakerphone, aren't I?
Hadley: [everyone laughing hysterically] Oh my God. Mordecai! I can't believe it. It did it again! Mordy? What happens next?
Hadley: [sighs] These fucking zombies. Remember when you could just throw a girl in a volcano?
Sitterson: How old do you think I am?
Labcoat Girl: Wait. That's not fair. I had zombies, too!
Sitterson: Yes, you did. Yes, you had zombies. But this is "Zombie Redneck Torture Family," see? They're entirely separate species. Like the difference between an elephant and an elephant seal.
Sitterson: You see this?
Lin: Perfect record, huh?
Sitterson: The Japan crew should've had this in the ba.! They fucked us! How hard is it to kill nine-year-olds?
[last lines]
Marty: [incredulous] Giant evil gods.
Dana: I wish I could've seen them.
Marty: I know. That would have been a fun weekend.
Marty: [after discovering a hidden camera] Oh, my God. I'm on a reality TV show. My parents are gonna think I'm such a burnout.
Marty: Good work, zombie arm.
Curt: [while staring at the lake] Hey, what is that?
Dana: What?
Curt: In the lake, right there.
Dana: Oh, come on.
Dana: You guys, I'm serious. There! There! God, it looks just like my girlfriend!
[pushes Jules into the water]
Marty: We are not who we are.
[Realizing that he's stoned]
Marty: I'm gonna go read a book with pictures.
Marty: [referring to a one-way mirror that was discovered] It was the pioneer days. People had to make their own interrogation rooms.
