Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm big-boned.
Stan: No, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You are a big fat ass.
Stan: [with a sigh, calmly] Oh, my God, we killed Kenny.
Kyle: [shouts] We killed Kenny?
Stan: Yup. We're bastards.
Tweek: But what if I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me?
Stan: Tweek, when has that ever happened, except for that one time?
Man #1: [after a crowd tramples Kenny] Oh my God, I found a penny.
Man #2: You bastard.
Stan: We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch.
Mrs. Crabtree: [shouting] What did you say?
Stan: I said, "We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch."
Mrs. Crabtree: Oh.
Kyle: Whoa, dude.
Stan: I always wondered if that would work.
Cartman: Why don't we all sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch" in D-minor?
Satan: Saddam. But... I killed you.
Saddam Hussein: Well where was I supposed to go, Detroit?
Kenny: And what I think, basically, is that when you let what you watch be under your parents' control, television sucks. Television sucks because parents get offended because they rely on television as a babysitter for their kids.
Stan: Totally, dude.
Kyle: Good point, man.
Eric Cartman: Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Yummy!
Timmy: TIMAH.
Stan: Oh my god. Jay Leno's chin killed Kenny.
Kyle: You bastard.
Jay Leno: Ah, who cares? He dies every episode.
Cartman: Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny?
Kenny: [muffled] Fuck you.
Cartman: Kenny's family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.
Cartman: Naw dude, independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
Priest Maxi: Boys, I haven't seen you in church lately.
Kyle: Well, I'm Jewish.
Priest Maxi: You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?
Kyle: I guess not.
Garrison: You go to hell. You go to hell and you die.
Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.
