Police Academy
Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [Mahoney and Blankes are in Lt.Harris' office due to Barbara throwing the first punch at Copeland via lunch tray. Harris is cleaning his stick] Who threw the first punch? That's all I want to know.
Cadet Kyle Blankes: [before Mahoney can answer] Barbara did.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Barbara?

Cadet Kyle Blankes: That's right.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Then he's out of here. Him and his queer dog.

Police Academy
Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You know, Mahoney, I'd like to spend the next ten weeks breaking you into little pieces. But I won't. Because you're bad. You're bad for morale, Mahoney. Oh, you look like the sweet little boy from next door. But you don't fool me, oh no. You're the devil, and you're rotten to the core, and you're ruining my chance to train some people who might make

pretty good cops!

Police Academy
Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You make me sick.
Carey Mahoney: Thank you, sir. I make everybody sick.

Police Academy
Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: What the hell are you doing here?
Cadet Laverne Hooks: I wanna be a police officer.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: What? I can't hear you-u?
Cadet Laverne Hooks: [whispering] I wanna be a police officer.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Don't unpack.

Police Academy
Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Well, well, well... I told you not to try me, boy. Stand up.
[Mahoney stands up]
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Now, I want you two squad leaders to take Mr. Mahoney here, and run him until he throws up.
Cadet Kyle Blankes, Cadet Chad Copeland: Yes, sir.
Lieutenant

Thaddeus Harris: Then, just after he throws up... run him some more.
Cadet Kyle Blankes, Cadet Chad Copeland: Yes, sir.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You are going to learn, Mahoney, that nobody - *nobody* - screws with me.

Police Academy
Police Academy

Carey Mahoney: What are you in for?
Larvell Jones: I'll show you.
[holds a microphone up to his mouth and imitates gun fire causing everybody to drop to the floor. They get up after realizing what happened]
Booking Sergeant: GODDAMMIT! STOP THAT!
[Into phone]
Booking Sergeant: Oh, no. Not you,

sir.

Police Academy
Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [In the TV Version edited with no swearing] What is it? What is it?
Cadet Chad Copeland: She ran over my feet!
Cadet Laverne Hooks: Oh, I'm sorry. I really am.
Cadet Chad Copeland: Sorry? You dumb, fat nincompoop!

Police Academy
Police Academy

Mrs. Fackler: You move this car another inch and you're finished, mister. You hear me?

Police Academy
Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Now, I thought it would be nice if we were to close out our first afternoon together with a nice little stroll around the campus.
[shouts]
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Move out, maggots!

Police Academy
Police Academy

Cadet Chad Copeland: Boy, there sure are a lot of spades around here.
[sees Hightower standing next to him]
Cadet Chad Copeland: [in a choked voice] Which I think is good. Very good for the Academy.

Police Academy
Police Academy

Cadet Kyle Blankes: [Blankes smears potato salad on Mahoney's shirt] Your move... Ma-homo.

Police Academy
Police Academy

[first lines]
Title Card: On March 4th of this year...
Title Card: ...newly elected Mayor Mary Sue Beal announced that she was changing the hiring practices of this city's police force.
Title Card: No longer would height, weight, sex, education, or physical strength be used to keep new recruits out of the Metropolitan Police Academy.
Title Card: Hundreds of people who

never dreamed of becoming police officers signed up immediately.
Title Card: Naturally, the police completely freaked.

Police Academy
Police Academy

Carey Mahoney: Good speech.

Police Academy
Police Academy

Carey Mahoney: Thank you Cmdt. Lassard.
Carey Mahoney: Chief Hurst.
Carey Mahoney: Madam Mayor.
Carey Mahoney: Mr. President.
Carey Mahoney: His Holiness The Pope.
Carey Mahoney: The King Of Norway.
Carey Mahoney: And our other honor

guests.