34 Police Academy Quotes (2025)

Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Mahoney! Remember, that nobody screws with me.
Carey Mahoney: Well, maybe you'll meet the right girl and all that will change.

Police Academy

Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: Drop that stereo before I blow your goddamn nuts off, asshole.

Police Academy

Moses Hightower: I was a florist.
Carey Mahoney: A florist?
Moses Hightower: Yeah, you know, flowers and shit.

Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Son, where did you get that gun?
Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: [smiling proudly] My mum gave it to me.

Police Academy

Cadet Leslie Barbara: [after Hightower has been thrown out of the Academy] Of all the guys who I thought were gonna make it, Hightower was the one. I mean, if all the cops looked like him there'd be no crime at all.

Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [having had his head recently removed from a horse's behind] You told, no one?
Carey Mahoney: Not a soul.
[Harris passes in front of the line of cadets, and is annoyed to see that they are all straining not to laugh at him. He becomes even more annoyed when he notices that Sgt. Callahan is also on the verge of bursting out

laughing. When he passes near Jones, Jones makes sound of horse neigh, as if to make it clear that everyone heard about the embarrassing incident]

Police Academy

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: [Presenting a slide show just as a hooker begins to give him a blow job] Now this first SLIIIDE... shows a very, very interesting thing: our main building. On slide... TWO! We see other view... of... IT! Oh, my God, you wouldn't believe it!

Police Academy

Cadet Laverne Hooks: [a thug, after being knocked down some stairs, realizes he's still got a gun in his waist. He reaches for it, and a revolver is pointed in his face] *Don't move, dirtbag!*

Police Academy

[Mahoney and Thompson, both in full dress uniform, are kissing passionately before the graduation ceremony]
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: You men stop that!
[Thompson turns around, removes her cap and smiles, showing her face and long hair to Lassard]
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Oh... OHHH! Well. That's more like it, Mahoney. Good man. Keep up the good work!

Carey Mahoney: Yes, sir!

Police Academy

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: [Seeing Tackleberry banging his head on the squad car hood] What's wrong with this man?
Cadet Leslie Barbara: There was gunplay, sir, and he missed it.

Police Academy

George Martin: To me, marriage is a sacred institution. So tell me, you and the wife do it doggie-style, or what?

Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [On their way to a riot zone] We are being sent to a safe area away from the disturbance. Our job will be to divert traffic away from the trouble zone, and to protect public property. You will have live ammunition, but there will be no call to use it - TACKLEBERRY! Do you understand, numbnuts?

Police Academy

Chief Hurnst: [Lamenting the newly relaxed admission requirements for the Academy] They all used to be the right color, the right height, the right weight. And they all had Johnsons, Lassard!
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Johnsons?
Chief Hurnst: You know...
[motions to his groin]
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Oh, yes.

Chief Hurnst: There were Johnsons as far as the eye can see.
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: Yes. And what a lovely sight it was.

Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: My name is Lieutenant Harris! In case you missed it. This is Sergeant Callahan! In case you missed it. We are the meanest instructors here. We've got you because you are the worst people here. You are "D" Squad; "D" for "dirtbags." When I say: "Hey, dirtbags!" that means you. You people are going to hate my guts for the rest of your lives. I am going to

make you sorry that you ever came here.

Police Academy

Carey Mahoney: [Hightower smashes into the bumper of another car] You didn't hit the brakes.
Moses Hightower: You didn't tell me to.

Police Academy

Carey Mahoney: Sir. Look, sir, new pants.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [notices that Mahoney is holding the megaphone] What are you doing with that? Give me that.
[Harris grabs his megaphone from Mahoney and uses it, without noticing that Mahoney applied brown shoe polish on it]
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: All right, you

scumballs. You have a 30 minutes to hit the showers and get to class. Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it! Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up, assholes!
[Harris then turns to Cmdt. Lassard, with shoe polish from his megaphone all around his lips, looking like a goatee]
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: So far, nobody's quit, but they will.
[Cmdt. Lassard laughs at

Harris. Harris, thinking that perhaps he said something funny, joins his laughter]

Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Then, Mahoney, my little pissant... you are out of the Academy forever. Get your stuff, and get out. Too bad, so sad, bye-bye.

Police Academy

Carey Mahoney: Thompson, why you do want to be a cop?
Cadet Karen Thompson: I like to dress as a man.
Carey Mahoney: Me too.

Police Academy

Carey Mahoney: Sleeping is for fags.

Police Academy

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Hey! Why didn't you guys call me this weekend?
Cadet Kyle Blankes: Well, nothing really happened, sir.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: There was a party, wasn't there?
Cadet Kyle Blankes: Yes, sir.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Well, what went on?

Cadet Chad Copeland: Dancing, sir. Mostly dancing.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [to himself] Dancing?