Hot Fuzz Quotes

Danny Butterman: Where's the trolley boy?
Nicholas Angel: In the freezer.
Danny Butterman: Did you say "cool off?"
Nicholas Angel: No I didn't say anything...
Danny Butterman: Shame.
Nicholas Angel: Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him

with the cuddly monkey then I said "play time's over" and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.
Danny Butterman: You're off the fuckin' chain!

DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright:

Farmers' mums.

[at the scene of Leslie Tiller's death]
Sergeant Tony Fisher: Hang about, hang about... you're saying this wasn't an accident?
[Angel grimaces and drops money into the swear box]
Nicholas Angel: Leslie Tiller was FUCKING murdered!
DS Andy Cartwright: Just like Tim Messenger?
Nicholas Angel: Yes!

DS Andy Wainwright: George Merchant?
Nicholas Angel: Yes!
DS Andy Cartwright: And Eve Draper?
Nicholas Angel: Yes!
DS Andy Wainwright: Martin Blower?
Nicholas Angel: No, actually.
DS Andy Cartwright: Really?
Nicholas

Angel: [shouts] 'COURSE HE FUCKING WAS!
[Danny drops a coin into the swear box]
Nicholas Angel: Thank you, Danny!

[Nicholas Angel is having a crackdown on underage drinkers in the pub]
Nicholas Angel: Oy! When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #1: 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Underage Drinker #1: Every year!
Nicholas Angel: Get out!
Nicholas Angel: [to

the second underage drinker] When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #2: 8th of May... 1969...
Nicholas Angel: You're 37?
Underage Drinker #2: Yeah!
Nicholas Angel: Get out!
Nicholas Angel: [turns to last drinker] When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #3:

[high pitched] Uhhhh...
Nicholas Angel: Out!

Danny Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?
Nicholas Angel: Officer.
Danny Butterman: What made you want to become a policeman-officer?
Nicholas Angel: I don't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer... apart from the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog. It

all started with my Uncle Derek. He was a Sergeant in the Met. He bought me a police pedal car when I was five. I rode around in it every second I was awake - arresting kids twice my size for littering and spitting. I got beaten up a lot when I was young, but it didn't stop me. I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.
Danny Butterman: He sounds like a good bloke.

Nicholas Angel: Actually, he was arrested for selling drugs to students.
Danny Butterman: What a cunt...
Nicholas Angel: Probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds. Needless to say, I never went near it again. I just let it rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt at the wheel of that pedal car. I had

to prove to myself that the Law could be proper and righteous and for the good of humankind. It was from that moment that I was destined to be a police officer.
Danny Butterman: Shame...
Nicholas Angel: How so?
Danny Butterman: I think you would have made a great Muppet...

Joyce Cooper: Fascist!
Nicholas Angel: I beg your pardon?
Joyce Cooper: [doing a crossword puzzle] System of government categorized by extreme dictatorship. Seven across.
Nicholas Angel: Oh, I see. It's "fascism."
Joyce Cooper: "Fascism"! Wonderful. Now, we've put you in the Castle

Suite. Bernard will escort you over there.
Nicholas Angel: Well, actually, I can probably make my own way up. Hag!
Joyce Cooper: I beg your pardon?
Nicholas Angel: Evil old woman, considered frightful or ugly, 12 down.
Joyce Cooper: [thinks about it] Oh... bless you!

[after supposedly stabbing Sgt. Angel, Danny is waving a sachet of tomato ketchup]
Danny Butterman: Ta-daaa!
Nicholas Angel: Danny, this is murder.
Danny Butterman: It's not murder, it's ketchup.
Nicholas Angel: It's Frank! He's appointed himself Judge, Jury and Executioner.
Danny

Butterman: [agitated and defensive] He's not Judge Judy, an Executioner.

[first lines]
Narrator: Police Constable Nicholas Angel: born and schooled in London, graduated Canterbury University in 1993 with a double first in Politics and Sociology. Attended Hendon College of Police Training. Displayed great aptitude in field exercises, notably Urban Pacification and Riot Control. Academically excelled in theoretical course work and final year

examinations. Received a Baton of Honour, graduated with distinction into the Metropolitan Police Service and quickly established an effectiveness and popularity within the community. Proceeded to improve skill base with courses in advanced driving... and advanced cycling. He became heavily involved in a number of extra-vocational activities and to this day, he holds the Met record for the hundred

metre dash. In 2001, he began active duty with the renowned SO19 Armed Response Unit and received a Bravery Award for efforts in the resolution of Operation Crackdown. In the last twelve months, he has received nine special commendations, achieved highest arrest record for any officer in the Met and sustained three injuries in the line of duty, most recently in December when wounded by a man

dressed as Father Christmas.

P.I Staker: The swan's escaped?
P.I Staker: Yeah.
Nicholas Angel: Right. And where has the swan escaped from exactly?
P.I Staker: Uh, the castle.
Nicholas Angel: Oh, yeah? And who might you be?
P.I Staker: Mr. Staker. Yeah, Mr. Peter Ian Staker.

Nicholas Angel: P.I. Staker?
P.I Staker: Yeah.
Nicholas Angel: Right. "Piss Taker." Come on!
Nicholas Angel: [cut to Nicholas with Mr. Staker] Yes, Mr. Staker. Um, we'll do everything we can. Can you describe it to me?

Simon Skinner: Lock me up.
Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry?
Simon Skinner: I'm a slasher! I must be stopped!
Nicholas Angel: You're a what?
Simon Skinner: A slasher... of prices! I'm Simon Skinner - I run the local supermarché. Drop in and see me sometime - my discounts are *criminal*. Catch

me later!

Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Ever been in a high-speed pursuit?
Nicholas Angel:

Yes, I have.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed pursuit?
Nicholas Angel: No!

[Angel has knocked out Michael]
Simon Skinner: [on walkie-talkie] Michael, are you there?
Nicholas Angel: [pretending to be Michael] Yarp...
Simon Skinner: Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?
Nicholas Angel: Yarp...
Simon Skinner: He's not going to get back up again?

[Angel thinks for a while]
Nicholas Angel: [hesitantly] Narp?
Simon Skinner: Good. Proceed to the castle.