
Santanico Pandemonium: I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name
will be "Spot". Welcome to slavery.
Seth: No, thanks. I've already had a wife.
[shoots the rope holding the wooden chandelier, which impales her]

Chet Pussy: Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere else, fuck it!

Jacob: Does anybody know what's going on here?
Seth: I know what's going on. We got a bunch of fucking vampires out there, trying to get in here and suck our fucking blood. And that's it. Plain and simple. I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires," because I don't fucking believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and
what I saw, is fucking vampires. Now, do we all agree that what we are dealing with is vampires?
Kate: Yes.


Kate: Are you okay?
Seth: Peachy, Kate. The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory.

Sex Machine: [marking the sudden change in the movie's direction]
Sex Machine: What the FUCK?

Seth Gecko: We need to have a talk. What's your name?
Hostage Gloria: Gloria.
Seth Gecko: Hello, Gloria, I'm Seth. That's my brother Richie. Let's cut to the chase. I'm going to ask you one question, and all I want is a yes or no answer. Do you want to live through this?
Hostage Gloria: Yes.
Seth Gecko: Good. Rule #1: No noise. No questions. If you make a noise,
[He pulls out his gun]
Seth Gecko: Mister .44 makes a noise. If you ask a question, Mister .44 answers it. Now are you absolutely, positively clear about Rule #1?
Hostage Gloria: Yes.
Seth Gecko: Rule #2: You do what we say when we
say it. If you don't, see Rule #1. Rule #3: Don't you ever try and fucking run on us,
[He puts his gun to her head, she closes her eyes]
Seth Gecko: because I got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can. Open your eyes.
[She does]
Seth Gecko: Gloria, you hang in there, you follow the rules, and you don't fuck with
us, and you'll get out of this alive. I give you my word. Okay?
[She nods]

Richie: He's in the bathroom. Why don't I just go in there, shoot him in the back of the head, and we can get the fuck out of here.
Pete Bottoms: Don't do that! Look, you asked me to act natural, I'm acting natural - in fact, under the circumstances, I think I ought get a fuckin' Academy Award for how natural I'm acting.

Seth: So what are you, Jacob? A faithless preacher? Or a mean motherfuckin' servant of God?
Jacob: I'm a mean, mhm mhm servant of God.