Preacher: Einstein's theory of relativity. Grab hold of a hot pan, second can seem like an hour. Put your hands on a hot woman, an hour can seem like a second. It's all relative.
Tom Scoggins: I spent four years at CalTech, and that's the best physics explanation I've ever heard.
Preacher: Ooh, I'm done! Brothers never make it out of situations like this! Not ever!
Preacher: We will start with the perfect omelette which is made with two eggs not three. Amateurs often add milk for density; this is a mistake.
Preacher: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. For thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Because I carry a big stick and I'm the meanest mother fucker in the valley! Two sharks down, Lord! One demon fish to go! Can I get an Amen?
Preacher: I'm not Daniel when he faced the lion. So I appreciate the irony, Lord! Cook dies in his own oven! But I've got other plans!
Preacher: [jumps out of upper oven and swims away, lights lighter] You ate my bird!
[throws lighter into open oven and blows up the shark]
Russell Franklin: So here's the riddle. What does an eight thousand pound mako shark with a brain the size of a flat head V8 engine and no natural predators think about?
Carter Blake: Well, I'm not waiting around here to find out!
Carter Blake: A 45-foot shark, and you hit me. Nice.
Preacher: Shit, it could've been worse. I could've let him eat your ass.
[Regarding last shark]
Dr. Susan McCallister: We have to kill her.
Carter Blake: That's the smartest thing you've said all day.
Carter Blake: That's the answer to the riddle. Because that's what an 8000 pound mako thinks about. About freedom. About the deep blue sea.
[last lines]
Carter Blake: Let me tell you, man. I quit this job.
Preacher: Take me back to the ghetto.
Carter Blake: Amen.
Preacher: [to Carter who has his feet in the water] Let me ask you something, are you sure it was just three sharks?
Carter Blake: Yeah.
Preacher: Oh. Okay.
Preacher: [Carter takes his feet out of the water] That's more like it.
Tom Scoggins: Come on, Jan was a healthy girl she must've had something that run on batteries.
Preacher: Nice.
Tom Scoggins: Where would a girl keep her... rrrrrrrn... thing?
Preacher: Hey, what's the matter with you?
Dr. Susan McCallister: You wait your whole life for a single moment and then suddenly it's tomorrow.
Preacher: You're the guy that got caught in that avalanche, right?
Russell Franklin: Yeah, I'm the one.
Preacher: Like black men don't have enough ways to get killed without climbing up some stupid ass mountain in the middle of God's nowhere! You leave that to the white folks! Brother!
Carter Blake: No, what you've done is taken God's oldest killing machine and given it will and desire. What you've done is knocked us all the way to the bottom of the goddamn food chain. It's not a great leap forward in my book.
Janice Higgins: There's doctor Jim Whitlock, the most brilliant man ever!
Russell Franklin: He's pissing into the wind! How brilliant can he be?
Janice Higgins: You'll see!
Dr. Susan McCallister: [after slashing her hand to use the blood as bait] She may be the smartest animal on the planet, but she's still just an animal. Come to mama.
Preacher: I hate to interrupt this moment of burgeoning intimacy but can we get the fuck out of here?
