You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.
I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.
In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.
It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.
I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.
I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.
Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'
I have no detectable hair style.
I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.
I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.
It's funny because it's funny.
It's so crazy in Hollywood.
My career is just kind of crazy.
To be famous and broke is hard.
To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.
When I started I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks.
There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.
You know, you want to pull in a wide audience.
I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.
It's hard to have a career.
