I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion.
I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.
I have a healthy relationship with food. My problem is, as a comic, I eat dinner late. But I'll have a smoothie for breakfast every morning, and I keep it pretty low-carb and healthy during the day. At night, I'll have a basic protein, quinoa, and vegetables.
I love being in my own skin, and I hope other women start feeling better about themselves and waste less energy being ashamed of their bodies.
I love standing at a microphone and making a room of people laugh. That's the part of the work I love; everything else is extraneous.
I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.
I'm super grateful that there wasn't social media when I was a kid, but that sort of self-doubt crept in at a young age. It's bullying. It's the comments here and there, and maybe somebody says something to you that they don't even mean to be a mean-spirited comment, but they'll just kind of say it to you in passing.
Happiness can't start with external stuff, whether that's money or success or your body.
I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.
The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
I think standup is pretty good for an introvert because you are performing, but, I mean, it's on your own terms. There are so many people in the room, but it's a one-sided conversation. And you actually don't have to interact - unless you want to.
I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.
I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.
My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
Being introverted, it doesn't mean necessarily being shy or being afraid of public speaking; it just means that it's hard for me to interact with people for too long.
I was always like that, at 5 years old, just demanding equality. I thought it could all be fixed if you called attention to it.
A big part of becoming a funny person was a major defense mechanism. Onstage, especially as a woman, I've had to be really tough. The second you show a crack, the audience can literally leave.
