American Pie
American Pie

Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, fuck! I

mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.

American Pie
American Pie

Jim: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

American Pie
American Pie

Finch: [Watching Jim's strip tease over the Internet] Did not just take out that chair.
Kevin: Yup, he took out the chair.

American Pie
American Pie

Jim: [Nadia takes off her underwear] Holy shit.
Finch: HOLY SHIT!
Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member: [together] Holy shit
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically] Holy shit!

American Pie
American Pie

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful.
College Girl: What did you just say?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful!
[girl laughs]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Friends call me Nova, as in Casanova.
College Girl: That's pathetic!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher:

Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.

American Pie
American Pie

Steve Stifler: I'll see you guys tonight, in the "No Fucking Section", right?

American Pie
American Pie

Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator?
[both laugh]

American Pie
American Pie

Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of
[hesitates]
Jim's Dad: masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it "stroking the salami", yeah, you know, "pounding the old pud".
[pause]
Jim's Dad: I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6

times a day.

American Pie
American Pie

Kevin: [Stifler is vomiting in a toilet] Hey, Stifler, how's the "Pale Ale"?
Steve Stifler: [vomiting] Fuck you!

American Pie
American Pie

Finch: God bless the Internet.

American Pie
American Pie

Steve Stifler: Hey, Kev, seen Shitbrick lately?
Kevin: Why? What did you do to him?
Steve Stifler: Me? Nothing. I'm the one who ass he kicked. But uh... I'll tell you one thing... I don't think he's gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino.
[shows a jar of laxatives]

American Pie
American Pie

Jim: God... let this be it.

American Pie
American Pie

Kevin: [watching Jim and Nadia over the Internet] He's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.

American Pie
American Pie

Steve Stifler: You actually said that?
[laughs hysterically]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Shut up!
Jim: You did better than me, Nova.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud.
Steve Stifler: You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie.

[shouts]
Steve Stifler: *suck me, beautiful!*
[walks off, laughing]

American Pie
American Pie

Coach Marshall: I don't want any of you boys thinking, that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you *score*!

American Pie
American Pie

Choir singer: [to himself] Just focus on the music, think melody, let the music be my guide.
Heather: Yeah, that'd be a start.

American Pie
American Pie

Jim's Dad: [to Jim] Now, do you know what a clitoris is?

American Pie
American Pie

Vicky: [discussing Kevin difficulties saying he love her] Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know, even if he can't say if he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's ok cause he's a guy, right?
Jessica: He's got a dick, he's a guy.
Vicky: Right.

American Pie
American Pie

Garage Band Member: Go, trig boy! It's your birthday!

American Pie
American Pie

Jim: Did you see 'The Little Mermaid' on TV yesterday? Ariel, she's so hot!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: She's a mermaid dude.
Jim: Yeah, but not when she's on land, Oz.